Well, it’s that time of year: my annual check in. Although, if you’ve been in the office within the past 10 months, you know what’s been going on. This year, I’m writing my letter while on “maternity leave” which is a very loose term. With the distraction of a 3-and-a-half-year-old, visitors in/out of my house, and the fact that I’ve been going in to the office 3 days a week, it has not been particularly relaxing. Maybe that was my mistake for assuming it would be. Ironically, the most chill person around these parts has been Baby Alice, who made her debut on July 14th after my planned induction was cancelled due to staffing issues at the hospital. Imagine being told – in the heat of this sticky summer– that you have to stay pregnant an extra 3 days.
I was recently interviewed by Toledo Parent as part of their Working Moms feature. It really was an honor and quite a memory jog to reflect on becoming a business owner and a mother. I’ll tell you, becoming a mom was more difficult. Nothing prepared me for the feeling of loss of self that came with the enormous gain of a beautiful child. Audrey, my oldest, has proven to be a smart yet challenging bundle of energy. We are very similar which is flattering and also terrifying. With Audrey, I was harsher on myself and felt very isolated. I didn’t know how to ask for help and I didn’t know I needed it. The experience with my second daughter has been so different. Yes, being pregnant was the pits (I was not a woman who enjoyed that part), but I felt more relaxed and at peace. Not because there was less pressure, but because I’ve worked so hard on giving myself and others grace. Alice is my miracle and I am really trying to enjoy my second chance at enjoying the process of becoming “mom” again. When I hold her, I actively will myself to turn off the to-do list in my head. I’ve tried to care less about the fact that my house is a mess and more on the fact that it’s filled with 2 healthy children and 2 loving parents. And I received so, so much support from my team, my friends in the area, and my patients’ parents. I can’t tell you how much that has meant to me and helped my mental space. To be treated as a woman…a PERSON…is really wonderful.
In my interview, I was asked about the balance between work and motherhood and how I do it. The truth is, I’m not quite sure it ever is a true balance. Something always has to give, it’s just a matter of reorganizing and prioritizing. Hats off to all the parents and guardians out there doing the same. It’s a never-ending, sometimes thankless process. But we all have our reasons for pushing through the exhaustion and chaos. For me, I want my girls to have more freedom than I did. I want them to know their worth and that it’s not contingent on something else.
It took a while to find myself again, and I’ll tell you this: the best part of my day is never leaving the office but always coming home to my family.
With love,
SMP
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