It’s that time! August 1st marks my NINTH year with this practice. In the time I’ve been here, I’ve turned 30, gotten married, purchased the practice, survived a pandemic 2 days later, and had 2 beautiful babies. Every year I reflect on lessons learned professionally and personally and check in with my patients. So here goes…
Raising my children continually shows me adults and kids are the same. We really don’t change. In the end, we all still crave connection, acceptance, and unconditional love. And we are self-minded. And we have trouble controlling and identifying our emotions. And we all need a freaking nap! The difference is, children are untainted by the complications of responsibility. They can be selfish simply because someone unselfish is looking out for them. But what do we as parents want most? A moment to in fact, be selfish.
As the person in my family/business who is the go-to for gymnastics class registration and oral surgery extraction letters, I can tell you it is overwhelming. This year especially I have recognized that I have limits. I have recognized it but I still, unfortunately, have a hard time with it. I have, however, really pushed myself to be honest about what I need or how I feel. One big part of this is asking for help and tapping into my network of friends. It’s a small group because part of getting older is realizing you simply don’t have time for relationships that are draining. Sometimes I know I’m going to burn out but I don’t know how to prevent it. I think the key is to just be honest. To tell my spouse, “Hey, I can’t do this today.” To tell my patients, “Hey, I’m unhappy with this and I want to redo it.” What’s the worst that happens by being honest? People get mad, I guess…but I can’t control another person’s actions and what I’ve often experienced is that people are forgiving of those who are genuine.
Because as everyone spins their web of personal commitment and responsibility, it is not forefront of their mind to step out of that web and try to draw their arms around someone else. It takes a very mindful and intentional act of kindness to do that. This is why I always do a double-take when a patient brings a tray of cookies or someone holds the door for me when I have the stroller. People just don’t DO that anymore. Gone are the days of little “touch points” as we used to call it.
So if I can leave you with one final thought this year it is this:
Lower your guard – for just a moment – and show the sort of love you may give a small child, to an adult.
Even if that adult is yourself.
oxoxo,
Sheila Phelan
*Pictured above (left) is a photo the day my husband I got engaged. We returned this past summer to the same spot with our daughters (right). A real full-circle moment.
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